Frank

I wanted to show an overflowing cup. That's what the last month has been like. I can't believe that I haven't typed on this darn thing for that long. It's been a month of ups and downs and all arounds. So...instead of catching myself up all at once, let me try and take a moment and write about yesterday.

Yesterday was a full day. And last night I presided at a worship service celebrating the life of Frank who died late on Friday afternoon. His partner Peter and his son Justin were at his side. Others of his family gathered around as well. And on Monday night we came to sing our faith, to comfort one another in our grief, and to recall the witness of his life and to have a place, together, to express our gratitude.

Frank was an amazing man. He died as a result of pulmonary fibrosis. In the end he just couldn't breathe any more. But as I thought about Frank's life I thought of the courage with which he lived his life. He was from a small town in Northern Indiana. He married young. He and his wife adopted a baby boy and raised him. His wife died 20 plus years into their marriage. And he found his way into living his life as the gay man, he knew himself to be. It is a difficult thing to make such a move after a lifetime of living another life before the world. And it was not easy for him. But he did it. And in that he found a fuller happiness.

He had a loving son who considered his father his best friend. After his wife died, Justin and he took off to New York City and explored the city for several days - sightseeing and eating at all the restaurants they could stomach! One of my favorite Frank stories was of the gift that he got around his 40th birthday of a hot air balloon ride. The problem with his lungs had been diagnosed nearly 20 years before. I love the irony and the beauty of him floating on air, even as his lungs battled to take it in.

I thought of that passage from the 3rd chapter of the gospel of John. Mostly folks know it for the words "you must be born again" -- but it talks about being born of "water and the spirit" and of "the wind blowing where it will." I think Frank lived like that. I think he allowed himself to be grasped by the winds of the Spirit.

It is infuriating that the born again passage has been used by so many to argue for a religion of exclusion. Birth is in fact one of those moments when we know the presence of wonder in our lives. It is a moment when all things are possible. And what Nicodemus gets from Jesus is the opportunity to realize that the world is to be experienced again and again and again, as if we were born anew -- to the wonder that is life. Frank allowed for the possibility of wonder to fill his life. We can deny wonder. We can live as if we are not ever in its grasp. In fact we can do all sorts of dumb things like that. But Frank didn't. He allowed himself to be grasped by wonder. Perhaps because he had to gasp for so many breaths -- it made him appreciate the gifts of the spirit so much more.

Always cited in a list of the gifts of the Spirit is "gentleness." My friend Mary Ann gave me a book years ago on the spirituality of gentleness (I still could use to learn some of its lessons). Frank's gentleness came out of a life lived with courage. He was fearful of not being able to breath. And yet he tutored children in the program at our church. Other tutors talked about the way in which he calmed even the most energetic child whenever he was around them. It would have been easy to stay hidden away, not giving himself to others and the world. But that isn't the way he lived.

He lived, fearful, but not in fear. He lived a life open to the Spirit's working in him, in his life, and in his love.

He and Peter took a cruise near the end of his life. There is a wonderful photo of Frank sitting in the sand with the laves lapping around his legs in the Caribbean. Waves, I think, are like liquid wind. And in his hot air balloon ride I imagine he could see how guided by the wind, we can see the world from a whole new perspective. To one who longed for and lusted for air...Frank lived open to the winds of the Spirit. Finally leading him into a love that is still risky in this day and age and society. Finally leading him home. His cup overflowed. And mine does for having known him.