No More Wasted Meetings

I got a call today from a friend, Jeff, a High School English teacher from South Bend. I listened to his message and I heard the shock and grief in his voice as he told me that Brennan had been killed (apparently murdered in his apartment). Jeff and I had taken youth from our parish to New York City every couple of years. The last trip we had taken together Brennan had come along.

I met Brennan when he was about 10 years old. He was a pudgy, happy little boy. He always had a shy and sweet grin on his face. He was easy to talk with. As he got older he grew quite a bit. The last time I saw him, two years ago, he was well over six feet -- but that shy, sweet grin was still there. His complexion was a beautiful light gold. His hair was dark and curly and was the perfect complement to his graceful welcome he offered to all.

It seems to me impossible that anyone would want to kill Brennan. He was truly one of the most gentle, kind people I've ever met. His parents were very active in our neighborhood (not in the church) which is how I got to meet him. Both of his parents are pretty fiery and passionate people. They are leaders in that neighborhood -- both official and non-official. But as passionate as they are -- Brennan was quiet. He was the type of person that when you walked in a room you would gravitate to him just because of the sense of peace that came off of him.

Many young people in our Southeast Side neighborhood liked to appear tough. But not Brennan. Even if the people around him were itchin' for a fight he would try to calm things down. He would have a quiet word and a gentle laugh that could break the tension -- or at least bend it enough to get past the roughest spots.

I worry that in their grief some of those who love him might seek revenge. And then the pain and grief would just be compounded.

It makes me think of all the useless meetings I have spent my time in -- particularly church meetings, in the denomination and in the congregations I've served where we have spent more time arguing about whose ego gets to go first at which time, then about the shape of our community where sweet young men can find themselves dead in their own kitchen.

I've spent a lot more time in meetings talking about what color a wall or a carpet should be then I've spent in meetings where people are talking about how what we are doing can strengthen our life together, can draw us closer together, can build up what is best between us. Why have I allowed that? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us?

I've attended the General Conference of our denomination and listened as speech after speech after speech wants to spend time trying to limit the participation of men and women in the life of our church based solely on their sexuality (not on their call, not on their discipleship, not on their faith) -- while wars and diseases steal whole generations of families in Africa, while people live in hopelessness, violence and desperation in this land of plenty, and while our apathy and active disregard towards the way we act as stewards of this earth goes driving merrily along (with a few grumbles about the increased costs of fuel). Am I missing something here? Or are we all simply mad?

God sees the fall of every sparrow? Why can't we see and hear one person -- one child -- one beloved child of God who we know fall? Why can't we take the time to invest in Brennan -- to ask him what he is doing and how we can be a part of it? Why can't we do something about strengthening our communities rather than feeding each other out of food pantries or offering tutoring programs of mentoring programs (or whatever the hottest new thing is)- why can't we build up one another in love? Isn't that the lasting gift we have to offer?

I will hold on to my memory of Brennan's good life and shocking death and try not to spend any more time in wasted meetings where people only want to spend their time talking about things that don't matter with other people who don't care. It's time for me to stop.